I am pretty insistent that grades are between you, me, and the lamppost. Sharing your grades is so rarely a good idea, so rarely supports the concept of friendship, that I don't allow grade sharing in my classroom. Grade sharing has the potential of being distinctly unkind. I know that you all will do what you will do in the hallways, over your phones and whatnot, but before you volunteer your grades, let me share with you what may be the consequences of grade sharing.
1. You both get the same grades. How common would this be? Not very common. If you share grades, this is the best scenario. You can hug each other and either celebrate or commiserate. This won't happen often, and you certainly can't count on this happening.
2. Your grade is lower than your classmate's (and your friend's) grade. You share grades. Think about how each of you feels. I function under the assumption that each person wants to earn an A; each person wants to do his/her best and be successful. So in this scenario, you feel stinky and your friend feels awkward. Or perhaps they gloat, and you feel even worse. At that point you might think, dang. I wish I never shared my grade.
3. Your grade is higher than your classmate's (and your friend's) grade. Then the responses are reversed. And you might think, dang. I wish I never shared my grade.
Because the most common scenario is case 2 or 3 above, you likely will end up feeling stinky or awkward.
So let's say you get your test back, and you find that you did well. You know that you can't share your specific grade, but you are excited. So you pump the air, scream YES, YES, YES, and perhaps stand up so you could include a couple pelvic thrusts for good measure, then people who didn't do well might end up having some less-than-ideal feelings toward you. Your best bet is to be reserved and share your joy with me outside of class and with your parents over the dinner table.
So let's say you get your test back, and you find you didn't achieve your goal. We are all human and sometimes this happens. Bad days are a reality for human beings of all abilities. Moaning loudly, ripping up your test into small pieces, and eating it for good measure (yes, I've had someone do that), makes a very awkward situation in the classroom. Your best bet is to be reserved and to share your concerns with me outside of class and with your parents at the dinner table. I'm here for you to help you achieve your goals; let's work together privately to see what we can do to to help you learn the material and successfully demonstrate that learning.
The reality is that your friends, acquaintances, and classmates might just ask you in the hall or over lunch how the test went for you. Let's brainstorm responses you could have to that request. Some suggestions follow; if those don't work for you, then let's think together about responses that would work for you.
1. Ms Peaches said we shouldn't share grades, and she always offers good advice in our best interest and from a position of love and wisdom, so I won't share my grades.
2. I don't feel comfortable sharing my grade with anyone. Hey, did you see the Bachelor last night?
3. Yes, that was a test, wasn't it? And we each received grades, you're right. Did you see the Bachelor last night?
4. Let's do our math homework together. It sounds like it will be a fun and interesting assignment.
5. I like you too much to create tension in our friendship. Let's not talk about grades.
6. Can we discuss the topics instead? I'd like to hear what you have to say about the applications of right triangle trigonometry to the pitch of a roof.
Being kind, aware of others, and self-aware are always good practices. Making a choice not to share grades displays these good practices.
As you navigate your life, you'll find decisions about how to respond to an event are so much easier if you ask yourself if a response is kind, necessary, and truthful.
