The phrase, "Err in the direction of kindness," went viral the summer of 2013 with the convocation speech of George Saunders at Syracuse University. Here's the New York Times article where I first read the speech; I encourage you to read it. (Actually, I guess I'm not just encouraging you to read it, I'm asking you to read it. ) You can also hear it.
I'm sure you don't really wonder all that much why the phrase graces the wall of my classroom in so many different areas; perhaps you have also considered the depth of which I support this phrase and how sometimes that phrase challenges even the most gentle and compassionate people.
Dustin Hoffman, when he played, "Tootsie," in the movie of the same name, had a quite profound experience when he tried, briefly, to have the real-life experience of a woman looking like Tootsie. I encourage (actually not only encourage....) you to watch the clip to see his reaction. "...I think I am an interesting woman .... and I know that if I met myself at a party then I would never talk to that character because she doesn't fulfill physically the the demands that we are brought up to think women have to have in order to ask them out ... There's too many interesting women I have ... not had the experience to know in this life because I have been brainwashed ... That (movie) was never a comedy for me."
Boy Scouts have many, many fine attributes, one of which is re-evaluating its policies. I'm so impressed that, after years of being unwelcoming towards atheists and members of the LGBTQ community, the BSA has decided to welcome people to their organization regardless of their sexual expression or orientation. And even more recently, BSA has been welcoming of transgender boys. But prior to these announcements, I found myself honoring the program and the great activities and lessons that boys learn, but yet being intolerant of their exclusion and social phobia of LGBTQ people. I'm uncomfortable with that intolerance yet wrestle with the hypocrisy of being intolerant of intolerance. One year, I had a student invite me to his Eagle Scout ceremony. His mothers (yes, plural; he came from a family with two moms and no dad) are friends of mine. I called them up, not knowing how to start the conversation. "Um," I started, "I...ah... don't quite know what to say, but I'm wondering how you all can, you know,...." at which point one of the moms started laughing. She said, "I know exactly what you are going to say. Let me tell you that I am so accepting that I accept them for who they are even if they can't accept me." She schooled me on being kind and loving.
But let me be clear. I will honor and value each person, even if his/her opinions are radically different from mine. However, in my classroom, I will not allow anyone to take away the freedom, self esteem, strength and beauty of anyone else. I will not be unwelcoming to anyone and ask the same of you. I will do all I can to teach and model tolerance and kindness. You are allowed to believe what you want to believe, but you are to be kind to everyone, recognizing that each person has something to offer, and understanding that each person is worthy of affection.
This year, and in all your endeavors for your whole life, please be kind. I found it especially revealing and telling and insightful that an older person -- George Saunders -- would identify his biggest regret as not being kind enough to a little girl while he was in elementary school.
Your blog assignment: 1. Read the transcript of the speech (or listen to it) 2. Watch Dustin Hoffman. 3. Then comment on what moves you about the messages I'm trying the share with you. Be sure you write 150 or so words; make your words meaningful and insightful. Most of all, enjoy reading my post and writing your own.
I want to comment on this, so I will. I really liked reading this, I'm usually so introverted because I don't like how cruel people can be. I'm glad we have been assigned to read this, because I think it will help us be kinder. It already made me rethink and remember a few things that I did already regret, and regret even more so, now. Thank you for having us read this, Ms. Mariner, even if it's not math-related.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ericka. Your post means a lot to me. It's nice that you shared this.
DeleteHi, thanks for sharing this! It is really interesting and offers a lot for us to learn. I also wanted to share about my experience in the boy scouts. I am a boy scout and have been for a few years now and not once in my troop have I experienced or seen any discrimination of any sort. While I affiliate myself with no church or religion, and also agree with the equal rights movement, I do not represent the views of the boy scouts, and nor do the people who believe contrary to me. I am not just telling you about my experience with the boy scouts for no good reason. I do have a point. My point would be that an organization is made up of many different people, with different opinions and different histories. Another idea is that change begins from within. It is when people within an organization, like the boy scouts, stand up and say, "This isn't right" That allows for change. There were many would be eagle scouts who refused to continue in scouts because they didn't believe in what the boy scouts stood for at the time. That is kindness, and that is change. It was kids like those that made the first steps into changing the boy scouts to allow openly gay boys to participate. I agree with your blog post and am simply trying to affirm the points you made. Thank you for having us read this! It was very interesting and well thought!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Mason. My heart swells when I've read about what some members of Boy Scouts to to make that organization more inclusive of others; I know it's at a great risk to them. You are exactly right; every organization is made up of many different people. I have faith and optimism that great groups like the Boy Scouts will be able to move towards greater inclusiveness. I appreciate your post... and I especially like to hear that you have NEVER seen or experienced any discrimination within the organization. I think that must be the bulk of boys' experiences in the group; I know of many very, very liberal people who feel very comfortable in the Boy Scout organization. Your addition to my post is important and appreciated. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteHello Ms. Mariner, one thing that particularly struck me was the video of Dustin Hoffman talking about portraying the image of a woman in the movie “Tootsie.” The fact that he was so profoundly hurt by the thought that he would not have “talked” to the image of himself as a woman because “she” didn’t look pretty enough as he thought someone would be that he should talk to is what caught my attention. This is meaningful to me because it made me wonder how many people we pass by in our day-to-day lives that could turn out to be interesting people, friends or even a soul mate. Even in George Saunders case of just failing to be kind, not necessarily mean, has the same lasting impact. I will try to figure out how to post this in my own blog. I’m going to sign off now as I have a ton of homework in all my subjects.
ReplyDeleteSomething that really was quite interesting was George Saunders's advice to Graduates and really his ability to not only connect to the person(s) he is speaking to, but to also advise us on, just because it may not seem like you're doing a bad thing or aren't really bothering anyone, that doesn't mean you don't have to be nice to them. He really teaches people that being kind may not be the easiest thing to do, it will be greatly appreciated might even get you a new friend. Being mean isn't necessarily a bad thing, but being a friend is a great thing, and i've come to learn that when i read the speech George gave to graduates.
ReplyDeleteHello Ms. Mariner,
ReplyDeleteThank you for the post. I agree that everyone, regardless of sexual orientation should have the same citizen rights in this Country, and should be treated and respected as human beings, whether we approve of what they do or not. However, as a former Scout, I believe that the Boy Scouts made a mistake last month, handing to command of younger Boy Scouts to gay guys. Allowing gay leaders would severely increase in the danger of abuse to scouts under their command. These leaders would command prolonged, overnight campouts far from home with little or no supervision. If they wanted to abuse a scout under their command, little could be done to prevent that. The Boy Scouts have already suffered problems of malicious pedophile elder Scouts and adult Scoutmasters abusing the younger scouts under their command. These changes, instead of helping to solve a serious problem, is encouraging it. It would be wrong if adult men led Girl Scout campouts, so why should we encourage gay guys lead Boy Scout trips--so we can seem more politically correct? The Boy Scouts is an independent organization and has the right to maintain their values and keep young scouts safe. Without doubt, I believe that everyone deserves equal respect. However, some of this "gay rights" stuff is hysteria driven mistakes resulting in safety breaches that will hurt our society.
-Jacob Vigil
Hi Ms. Mariner,
ReplyDeleteI thought it was really interesting on George Saunders wasn't even afraid of being hurt on the outside, but being hurt on the inside, as he explained on that situation with the girl in his neighborhood. He felt like he couldn't save her in a way, which left me thinking about how strong he had his ethics to match his words, and how he strongly knew what he should've done in that situation. It was like he hadn't done anything, yet he still thought like he was as bad as someone who had verbally abused the girl. Well, that's just a thought. Thanks!
-Nathaniel "Nate" Byram
George Saunders offered quite a provoking speech that I believe everyone could benefit from. He talked about asking elderly what they regretted most in life, and more often than not, they would respond with not fulfilling the opportunities of helping another in need. I believe that ultimately being kinder to others will lead us to be kinder to ourselves. That would make the world a warmer, and more inviting place. A place where no one should have to feel afraid to be themselves.
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ReplyDeleteHi Ms. Mariner,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this compelling piece of work. I think that as a community we need to begin to accept all types of people and not be afraid to be who we are. George Saunders and Dustin Hoffman's words were compelling and interesting pieces of work and his words have stuck with me. Hoffman's words although sad and haunting is also true. It's horrible how we are forced into these images of beauty. It is true...we are all brainwashed. We are brainwashed by the fact that we can be ourselves. People need to be able to walk around and feel comfortable in their own skin and it's sad how most people aren't. Thanks you!
Hi Mrs. Mariner,
ReplyDeleteThis blog and all the other sub-articles was definitely an incredible reminder as to why we are pursuing the life that we would like to live and how we live it. It puts everything into perspective. Why should we even have the thought of selfishness cross our mind, when in the end, we all want to end up happy with ourselves and what we have worked hard to accomplish within our lives? To achieve that, we all need to be supportive of each and what are passions are, and I think that as Academy students we need this reminder more than anyone because we get so sucked into our work here at this school. We all need to step back once in a while and err in the direction of kindness. I absolutely loved reading this blog and it inspired me to text one of my good friends and just thank her for being in my life. Thank you for sharing this with us!
Reading this blog made me realize one of the many challenges in society today; kindness. Many people can struggle with or just plain forget about being kind to one another which can lead to us hurting one another. Kindness can go a long way from putting a smile on someone’s face to creating a lifelong friendship. Watching the video of Dustin Hoffman talking about his role in the movie “Tootsie” made me feel a little sad actually because of when he said ‘If I met myself at a party I would not talk to that character because she does not fulfill physically the demands that we think women have to have in order to ask them out.’ This just reminded me of the strict sort of code us as people, especially women, have tasked ourselves to follow in order to fit in even if it means to abandon kindness in the process. Thank you for sharing this blog with us I enjoyed reading it and really think it’s cool that you are sharing with us that it is ok to be what we want to be.
ReplyDeleteThis article really made me realize that being kind is something that many people feel is a task but really it is actually a benefit. Being kind may seem like it is sometimes unnecessary, but like George Saunders was saying, missing out at an opportunity of being kind is one of his biggest regrets. He really emphasized that taking every chance possible to be kind will really make you happier. In the Dustin Hoffman video it made me realize that judging people by the way they look is not a good way to be. He highlighted that you should give everybody a chance no matter what they look like.
ReplyDeleteHi Ms. Mariner,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this blog with us! I think it is a good reminder that everybody needs to step back sometimes, especially during a time of high emotion (good or bad), and reflect on how they can be more accepting of society, and the people around them. Sometimes, we are so critical of ourselves, and try to change who we are, so that we will fit in with society. Saunders provided us with a powerful speech that invokes hope in an otherwise somewhat hopeless world. It just goes to show that you will regret many things in your lifetime, but the one thing many people regret the most is not being kind enough to others. This article is a good reminder that we all get caught up thinking about ourselves, but in the end, it is the world as a whole that matters, and not just yourself.
Hi Ms. Mariner,
ReplyDeleteIt is great to read your article, and is nice to have a teacher who is willing to put their values out for the world to see. Another thing I find very impressive is your motivation to always be compassionate even with people whose view you don't agree with. your outlook on including and being kind to people who may not agree with you reminds me of the great non-violent protesters of Gandhi and MLK.
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DeleteHi Ms. Mariner,
ReplyDeletePeople talk about this kind of thing all the time but to see someone who truly believes and will stand up to it and help the problem is rare in this world. This reminds me of something I watched earlier this week. It was a movie about the way boys are raised and how this effects the way they are when they are men and how they feel like they must conform to these standards. Watching Dustin Hoffman and seeing the realization that he made shows how real this is in our society. Thank you for having us read this and thank you for being so open to others' views and beliefs.
Hello Ms. Mariner,
ReplyDeleteThese examples of our linear perception of how people should be is truly eye-opening. Kindness in teenage years can be difficult to achieve because everyone most people just want to keep to themselves. Teenage years are crucial to brain development, and if most people we see are generally unhappy or self-centered, then we will copy these habits. George Saunders brings up a great point towards the end of his speech, saying that we should start being kinder at a younger age and that we will have a happier life if we do so. Our society can also benefit from the comments made by Dustin Hoffman, where beauty is often the centerpoint to begin conversation. If we move past several cultural stigmas, we can mature and live a happier, and more accepting life. Thank you for posting these links, they have been truly enlightening.
-Aerlin Decker
Hi Mrs. Mariner,
ReplyDeleteI remember this blog from last year and still love how it addresses kindness and how it is applied to our classroom. It makes me feel so good to know that no matter what your classroom is a judgement free zone and that you will always take into consideration other people's opinion even if they aren't mutual. It makes me feel so comfortable and safe in an environment where I can be whoever i want to be and you will stand by me and will not allow others to put me down. I am glad to say that our society is becoming more and more accepting and less judgmental. Although it is hard for out generation to not judge, especially in high school where everything seems so important. I loved reading this blog again.
-Katie
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ReplyDeleteHi Ms. Mariner,
ReplyDeleteThank you for showing these thought provoking messages with us. I think Saunder's and Hoffman's words teach us many things about ourself and the world around us. I also appreciate that you opened the class up with this letting us know that respect and kindness are always expected and will continue to be throughout the year. You are also fostering an environment of acceptance and not judging people for who they are.
Hi Mrs. Mariner,
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate this blog. I agree that we should value and respect one another in and out of the classroom. We are too focus on our own wellbeing. As George Saunders said in his speech, we tend to "prioritize our own needs over the needs of others". It is crazy to say that we need more kindness in this world, but we do. Watching Dustin Hoffman, a male famous actor, comment on how it is crazy that we are so quick to judge and how we are all brainwashed. I found it moving how it brought him to tears to think that he himself would not talk to the female character he had played because “she doesn’t fulfill physically the demands that we are brought up to think women have to have”. Thank you for showing us the speech and video. It shows us that it is okay to be ourselves and we should not be too quick to judge.
Hi Ms Mariner,
ReplyDeleteYou brought up some very important information a lot of people may have not known about, the boys scouts not accepting every person who wanted to join because of their beliefs or sexualities. I agree that they should not be able to choose who should be able to join based on what THEY want to do with their life.
Hi Ms. Mariner,
ReplyDeleteSome great points were brought up in this blog. In this day and age, a lot o people are judged because of their religion, race, and sexuality, and that is not right. I appreciate you sharing with us about respecting and always being kind because that is very important. Thank you for sharing the blog. It is a great reminder for us to always be kind and inclusive.
-Jazz
I loved this blog, and especially the speech, as I'd heard a lot about it but never actually read it. It's funny that this was the message, because I had actually thought to myself when the school year started that I wanted to be nicer and more friendly to everyone I meet. I am a huge believer in being accepting of all sexualities, races, religions, etc, and I loved the message of this blog post.
ReplyDeleteHi Ms. Mariner, I thought it was really interesting that the speech and the video are about different things on the surface but are ultimately trying to convey the same thing. It was also interesting that they were both from the perspective of people looking back and regretting that they didn't do something differently. Its important to do what you think is right instead of just doing something because everyone else is. Thanks for sharing this
ReplyDeleteHi Ms. Mariner, this blog really aligns with what I came into this year with. Acceptance and kindness are especially important as of many recent events and occurrences, such as the act of legalizing gay marriage, the amount of LGBTQ+ that are coming out, and the amount of general hatred being spread from both big and small people in the world. Thank you for sharing with us!
ReplyDeleteHi Ms. Mariner, I have to say, I thought it first curious that we would be doing such a thing as a math blog, but I see now that this isn't what I had in mind at all, sure this and other posts can be attributed to math, but this post in particular seems to be about our lives as a whole. This post has an amazing and moving message which I thoroughly enjoyed. I really like that you put this together and are okay with sharing your opinion on the internet. I particularly liked the part of the video with Dustin Hoffman talking about society being brainwashed into expecting certain standards in women, or anyone for that matter. Thank you so much for this blog you've created and not only that, but linking us specifically to it, this is something that I personally think I needed to read and am glad I did. Thanks!
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